I figured while I was waiting to get my hair did, I would tell you guys what happened on the sperm donor front. I call this “The Battle pt 1” because I’m pretty sure there will be a part 2 and possibly 3, 4, 5. We’ll see…
After my daughter was born I had this overwhelming feeling of relief. She had made it into the world safe and sound in MY hometown. My lawyer advised me that if I ever wanted to move back home with my baby then she had to be born in my hometown. Better safe than sorry. If I had chosen to stay in the big city and to have her and then move, I would need my “husbands” permission or it would be considered kidnapping Hence the hasty move home.
My “husband” had no idea that I was even gone. I had been living at home for 2 months and he was completely clueless. Never came by the apartment to get the snow off the car or take the trash down 3 flights of stairs. Never came by work to bring us something to eat. Never paid any bills, so I wouldn't have to work so hard. So imagine his surprise when he ran into one of my clients on the street and they congratulated him! Doh! Yes, a stranger on the street told him the baby had been born.
And so it begins...
June 1, 2010 9:15 am- I get a text message "Call me please" followed by a series of phone calls.
9:46am- Text message "This is beyond evil." At this point I know that he knows she's here.
10:12am- A 3 minute long message from his sister. (Whom I heard from once since I have been pregnant via facebook). She tells me how shocked she is that I would have the baby and not tell him. "Right is right and wrong is wrong and this is just wrong". (And cheating on your pregnant wife is....?) Then she proceeds to tell me how fathers have rights too and she never would have thought I would do something like this yadda yadda yadda. She doesn't know me. And if I am anything it's thorough and resilient.
10:14am- Rapid fire text messages to me. "I'm coming to see my baby." "You've f---ed up. You are f---ed up. I can't stand you. Can't believe you would do that. That's my baby and my baby has family too."
Somewhere in the midst of this he decides to text my brother a few obscenities. After the two of then had words he moved on to drop F bombs on my mother and father via text. Now I'm getting pissed. Which means he's getting to me. And nothing good can come out of two angry emotional people. I called him. I did my best to stay calm and civil. Until he started calling me a crazy "B". I hung up. He calls me back and tells me he's on his way to see his baby. (His baby??) And I asked him, where exactly would you be going? He says to the apartment. Well I'm not there. Where am I? I moved to Texas 2 months ago dumb a--! You seriously thought I was going to stay in the big city and go through all of this alone? You're stupider than I thought. You f---ing crazy b---h. How cou-...
Dial tone.
10:52am- My family and I receive this text "Crazy f---ing cult members". I get, "Evil f---ing
b--ch. So f---ing evil. You deserved to be alone." "F--k you."
11:21am- His sister sends me a book of texts. Let me clear my throat.... "I hope I live to see the day that I can tell the baby how you single handedly extracted her father and his entire family from her life. I am so hurt by your actions. No matter what happened between you and him it has absolutely nothing to do with her. The least you could do is send my mom a picture or something of her only grandchild. My mom doesn't deserve this at all." YAWN. "That's just cold. You keep living...karma catches up to each and every one of us."
Where do I even start? Let's go sentence by sentence. "I hope I live to see the day....", kind of a defeated statement. Lets me know you have given up. Have no intentions of even putting forth any effort to see this angel. Fine with me! "I am so hurt by your actions". Ask me if I care. You have not even seen me pregnant. I haven't gotten one thing from you or anyone in your family for the baby. So take your hurt feelings and roll them up in a big burrito and eat them you fat--- ok. "No matter what happened between you and him it has absolutely nothing to do with her." Now that one is a doosey. Him having sex with an upwards of 10 different women while I was pregnant has nothing to do with the baby? Him sleeping with some ho with the clap and then coming home to have sex with me has nothing to do with the baby? (We are fine by the way). Him spending the little bit of money that he makes on weed and pills and bartering services for sex while I am working 8 hours a day standing on my feet all day to support our family has nothing to do with her? (I think that was a run-on sentence, so I apologize to Mrs. McBride my 5th grade teacher). Get real! It has everything to do with her. And you and your whole family are completely delusional to think otherwise. "The least you could do is send my mom a picture...My mom doesn't deserve this at all." Your mother has done nothing to help me or this baby and now I am supposed to send her a picture? I should just email them a picture of a Gerber baby, it's not like she has some kind of an emotional attachment to either kid, so what difference would it make? And yo mama is the reason why I'm in this situation right now. She obviously didn't raise him right. "Karma catches up to each and every one of us." Exactly.
I turned off my phone after that. A few hours later he sends me a text message asking me to call him because he's looking at flights to come see her. Then he sends me a text asking me to send his mother a picture. Then he calls me saying he wants to coordinate a good time when he and his mom can come meet her. Now let me get this right: You just cussed me and my family out 5 days after having a baby. Called me every name in the book and told me I deserve to be alone. And NOW you want me to call you and give you a good time to come to my parents house to meet her? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I need some of the crack you smoking. Because I would love to visit the alternate universe that you live in. Through all this, my family decided that we would not respond. After I spoke to him and he kept yelling and cussing we took a stand to no longer communicate with him. As hard as it is I have not said one word to him or his dumb family. We don't want to get involved in some childish back and forth. It will only upset us and make us say terrible (and true) things. It would make us no better than them. Sometimes you have to listen to your mother when she tells you to walk away from a fight that's not worth it. This was 6 weeks ago and I haven't heard from him since. It isn't over though. We will have our say. This battle is over, but we still have to win the war.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Labor
I know, I know! A whole month of no stories. Sorry I was busy- having a baby. I was hoping to have some interesting story of how I, through my own strength and modern medical science, labored intensely and pushed this beautiful fragile life through my vag. No such luck. She was breech so I had a c-section. My apologies. No exciting story. But I will make a story out of anything-
The operation was scheduled for 9, but I had to be at the hospital at 6. A.M. Enough said. How am I supposed to get any sleep the night before? When I know that the next morning I will officially be a mother. A MOTHER. Not that I didn't know for the last nine months I have been brewing a little one in my belly, it's just the realization that it will actually be happening at 9AM. Takes some of the spontaneity out of the whole "labor" idea. There were no contractions, no water breaking, no pain, no pushing, no sweating, no tearing, my vagina is in pristine condition and I could poop without worry of ripping anything- hmmmm I guess I shouldn't complain. C-sections rock! So I guess the story is you always fear the unknown. And just because I technically didn't "labor", doesn't mean I didn't labor. Anyone who knows me knows I been laboring the last 9 months, so I think a quick and easy incision, a few staples and 70 hydrocodone is completely fair.
There. Done. Labor.
I spent 3 glorious days in the hospital. A visit I would gladly do again. What's not to love about a remote operated bed, pain medicine every couple of hours, all the food I can eat and a catheter? I could have laid there forever. My first day was a breeze. Had a good amount of visitors and it all seemed rather surreal. People changing diapers for me, holding her and making sure I was comfortable. Then around 5 in the morning this "nurse" decides to remove my epidural! Yes you heard me. This heifer comes in my room and takes out my epidural! Things went from surreal to real very quick. I could barely move. I showered sitting on a chair. And vowed I would just pee on myself as to avoid getting up. Happily that first time getting up was the worst. Things slowly got better. Later on that evening a nurse comes in and wakes my mother and I up to tell us that my baby is loosing to much weight. She was 6lbs 8oz when she was born and now she is 5 lbs 11oz. Do the math people that's almost a pound in one day. So I am a mess. They were talking about putting an IV in. So of course I think I am a terrible mother bc I can't even produce enough milk to feed my baby. My mother is in the middle of putting the smack down on this nurse when my big brother walks in like Superman to save the day. Best moment ever. Having my mom, dad and brother there to support me in this moment was just what I needed! We proceeded to pimp slap the nurse and get her fired on the spot. Just kidding. We did however have the charge nurse come in and smooth things over. She showed me how to breastfeed properly and within 4 days baby girl had gained all her birth weight back. Take that stupid nurse. I got released the next day. Two days home with my baby and then the sh*& really hits the fan...
(Note to the reader-my milk just dropped and is about to make my boobs explode which means baby girl is about to wake up for her 3 hour feeding. Therefore I must save the drama for next time. But when I say it's stupid good...trust me.)
The operation was scheduled for 9, but I had to be at the hospital at 6. A.M. Enough said. How am I supposed to get any sleep the night before? When I know that the next morning I will officially be a mother. A MOTHER. Not that I didn't know for the last nine months I have been brewing a little one in my belly, it's just the realization that it will actually be happening at 9AM. Takes some of the spontaneity out of the whole "labor" idea. There were no contractions, no water breaking, no pain, no pushing, no sweating, no tearing, my vagina is in pristine condition and I could poop without worry of ripping anything- hmmmm I guess I shouldn't complain. C-sections rock! So I guess the story is you always fear the unknown. And just because I technically didn't "labor", doesn't mean I didn't labor. Anyone who knows me knows I been laboring the last 9 months, so I think a quick and easy incision, a few staples and 70 hydrocodone is completely fair.
There. Done. Labor.
I spent 3 glorious days in the hospital. A visit I would gladly do again. What's not to love about a remote operated bed, pain medicine every couple of hours, all the food I can eat and a catheter? I could have laid there forever. My first day was a breeze. Had a good amount of visitors and it all seemed rather surreal. People changing diapers for me, holding her and making sure I was comfortable. Then around 5 in the morning this "nurse" decides to remove my epidural! Yes you heard me. This heifer comes in my room and takes out my epidural! Things went from surreal to real very quick. I could barely move. I showered sitting on a chair. And vowed I would just pee on myself as to avoid getting up. Happily that first time getting up was the worst. Things slowly got better. Later on that evening a nurse comes in and wakes my mother and I up to tell us that my baby is loosing to much weight. She was 6lbs 8oz when she was born and now she is 5 lbs 11oz. Do the math people that's almost a pound in one day. So I am a mess. They were talking about putting an IV in. So of course I think I am a terrible mother bc I can't even produce enough milk to feed my baby. My mother is in the middle of putting the smack down on this nurse when my big brother walks in like Superman to save the day. Best moment ever. Having my mom, dad and brother there to support me in this moment was just what I needed! We proceeded to pimp slap the nurse and get her fired on the spot. Just kidding. We did however have the charge nurse come in and smooth things over. She showed me how to breastfeed properly and within 4 days baby girl had gained all her birth weight back. Take that stupid nurse. I got released the next day. Two days home with my baby and then the sh*& really hits the fan...
(Note to the reader-my milk just dropped and is about to make my boobs explode which means baby girl is about to wake up for her 3 hour feeding. Therefore I must save the drama for next time. But when I say it's stupid good...trust me.)
Monday, May 24, 2010
The Waiting Game
I have been watching WAY too much Law and Order lately. Probably because I have nothing else to do. My daughter will be here in 2 days! With all this excitement I don't sleep much. But when I do get a little rest I have the weirdest dreams. For instance- I had a dream that I was laying on my couch in a very nice apartment somewhere. I woke up to my "husband" choking me! We were struggling in the living room and I could hear my daughter crying. I grabbed a remote and started hitting him in the head with it. Just long enough for him to let go of my neck a little bit. I broke free and ran to get my gun (btw I don't really have a gun...yet). I'm in the kitchen and it's totally a scene from Sleeping With the Enemy. He's super cocky like I'm not gunna shoot him. He's actually laughing at me!! So I shot him. Shot each knee cap and shot him in the balls. When the police came and I told them the story they got a good laugh out of it and told me it was self defense and I should press charges against him for breaking and entering and attempted murder! LOL. I should probably just stick to HGTV.
Like I said earlier she'll be here in 2 days! She's breech and I have to go in for a c-section. At first I was super disappointed and scared. Now I'm fine with it. I am actually looking forward to it. There is a certain level of control that having a c-section gives me. No guessing if "this" it or when will it happen? I already know when. I know I'm such a control freak. It's a little strange knowing that in 2 days my life will be..not my life. A whole new life. I will officially be a mommy. Weird. I will have to keep you all posted on what life as a mommy living with her mommy living with her mommy-in-law is like!
Talked with the "husband" today. He wanted to get together to get his mail, checkbooks and talk about insurance stuff. Hmmm, insurance stuff? He proceeds to tell me that he is quitting/getting fired on Friday. Now that's an interesting concept. How does one quit slash get fired? I was always under the impression that you either did one or the other. But I could be wrong. I have been known to be wrong about other things. So what about the insurance? You won't have any after Friday so what is there to talk about? He just wanted to make sure that I would cover the baby. Of course because I do EVERYTHING for the baby as is. He also tells me he won't have any provable income after Friday as he will be working for himself. Not sure what that has to do with me. But ok. So I asked him why not just let them fire you instead of quitting so you can file unemployment? "No I don't want to do that. I just want to cut ties with them." The real answer is you owe the unemployment office money and can't file. Hahahaha. This whole conversation is priceless. We were supposed to meet up today so I could give him his mail. But he blew me off to go to the beach. That's fine. I live a thousand miles away anyway, so I probably wouldn't have made it.
I guess that's what's going on in a nutshell. Just waiting for Thursday. I will of course be posting my exciting birthstory as I know everyone is eager to hear it! Tick tock tick tock...
Like I said earlier she'll be here in 2 days! She's breech and I have to go in for a c-section. At first I was super disappointed and scared. Now I'm fine with it. I am actually looking forward to it. There is a certain level of control that having a c-section gives me. No guessing if "this" it or when will it happen? I already know when. I know I'm such a control freak. It's a little strange knowing that in 2 days my life will be..not my life. A whole new life. I will officially be a mommy. Weird. I will have to keep you all posted on what life as a mommy living with her mommy living with her mommy-in-law is like!
Talked with the "husband" today. He wanted to get together to get his mail, checkbooks and talk about insurance stuff. Hmmm, insurance stuff? He proceeds to tell me that he is quitting/getting fired on Friday. Now that's an interesting concept. How does one quit slash get fired? I was always under the impression that you either did one or the other. But I could be wrong. I have been known to be wrong about other things. So what about the insurance? You won't have any after Friday so what is there to talk about? He just wanted to make sure that I would cover the baby. Of course because I do EVERYTHING for the baby as is. He also tells me he won't have any provable income after Friday as he will be working for himself. Not sure what that has to do with me. But ok. So I asked him why not just let them fire you instead of quitting so you can file unemployment? "No I don't want to do that. I just want to cut ties with them." The real answer is you owe the unemployment office money and can't file. Hahahaha. This whole conversation is priceless. We were supposed to meet up today so I could give him his mail. But he blew me off to go to the beach. That's fine. I live a thousand miles away anyway, so I probably wouldn't have made it.
I guess that's what's going on in a nutshell. Just waiting for Thursday. I will of course be posting my exciting birthstory as I know everyone is eager to hear it! Tick tock tick tock...
April 21, 2010
I went back to the Big City to finish up some work and have some fun! And by fun I mean work. I made sure to see my “Husband” while I was there. Because he still needs to think that I live there. We met at IHOP so I could eat some blueberry pancakes. He told me he had gotten his own place and had bought some things for the baby…finally. I asked him how things at work were going. He told me his boss is a racist. Translation- I’m screwing up at work and my boss is trying to figure out how to get rid of me. But we’ll go with the whole racist thing. He apparently was caught working at a competitors business. Which in most business is an obvious no no. That compounded with the fact that HR had found out that he was filing unemployment for the last year while he has been a full time employee, can’t be good for his job security. I could really care less. Mostly because I’m the one who turned him in to the unemployment office before I moved. So I figured that one was coming. I had only hoped it would come after the baby as he carries our insurance. The saga…
Since I have been home I have realized how completely and utterly crazy my friends and family are. My mother has ADD when it comes to the radio. She will never listen to a song in its entirety. I’ve never been in a car with someone who in a 20 minute car ride can literally change the station 12 times. I have also began to notice how people in the suburbs drive. My mother included. LIKE MANIACS. City folk may drive reckless, but there is a certain amount of caution given to fellow drivers. You yield, anticipate where they may go and slow down so they can squeeze in. Sure you may honk your horn to make them wake up or stop texting and drive, but there is no anger, it’s a friendly little reminder that there are people behind you. Now Suburban folk whole nother story. Yield? What’s that? Ohh that’s when I speed up so as to block you so you can’t get in. And then I’m going to speed around you just so we can sit at the stop light in the same place. Then I am going to race off to the next stop light, so I can again stop. Because I am in a very big hurry to go to the next suburb and eat at a chain restaurant. And then there is the signal. Signal and get over. I mean that’s what I do. But here you better not signal because that means I will do everything in my power to keep you where you are! I don’t know why I want you stay over there, I just don’t want you getting in front of me. Even if you just want to switch lanes to turn, I don’t care! It seems that everyone here is In a big hurry to do something that is very important. Like go to the next burb over and eat at a chain restaurant. Did I already say that?
One of my besties here just bought a house! Yesterday was the big move day. From the apartment to the house. She had her brother and dad coming with their truck to help. Now anyone who knows me, knows I’m not into the whole manual labor thing. I’ll do it, but I would rather pay someone to do it for me. Originally she was going to hire movers. But buying a house has a slew of expenses attached with it, which means movers were out. I woke up and head to her house to help finish up packing. Let me stop there and explain something about myself- when undertaking a large task such as moving I like to be organized. Boxes, labeled with what room and contents. Bubble wrap for glass and other breakables. That big thing of saran wrap to wrap furniture. Furniture pads. You get the picture. Now, I walk into her house and I see, trash bags with clothes in them. And laundry baskets with clothes in them. Closets with clothes in them. A washing machine with clothes in it. Bins with clothes in them. I don’t know what is clean what is trash and how I am going to make it through this. So the first thing I do is start cleaning. Let me rephrase- try to start cleaning. There are no cleaning supplies, no gloves no trash bags and my friend looks like she’s about to have a panic attack. To the dollar store! I get back and clean, help put stuff in with other stuff. And make those stuff piles bigger. I wonder how big her brothers truck is. Because I see 2 couches, a bed, washer and dryer, flat screen, entertainment center and a big wooden kitchen table. Yeah, why did I offer to help? Oh, right she’s my friend. Ok.
I went back to the Big City to finish up some work and have some fun! And by fun I mean work. I made sure to see my “Husband” while I was there. Because he still needs to think that I live there. We met at IHOP so I could eat some blueberry pancakes. He told me he had gotten his own place and had bought some things for the baby…finally. I asked him how things at work were going. He told me his boss is a racist. Translation- I’m screwing up at work and my boss is trying to figure out how to get rid of me. But we’ll go with the whole racist thing. He apparently was caught working at a competitors business. Which in most business is an obvious no no. That compounded with the fact that HR had found out that he was filing unemployment for the last year while he has been a full time employee, can’t be good for his job security. I could really care less. Mostly because I’m the one who turned him in to the unemployment office before I moved. So I figured that one was coming. I had only hoped it would come after the baby as he carries our insurance. The saga…
Since I have been home I have realized how completely and utterly crazy my friends and family are. My mother has ADD when it comes to the radio. She will never listen to a song in its entirety. I’ve never been in a car with someone who in a 20 minute car ride can literally change the station 12 times. I have also began to notice how people in the suburbs drive. My mother included. LIKE MANIACS. City folk may drive reckless, but there is a certain amount of caution given to fellow drivers. You yield, anticipate where they may go and slow down so they can squeeze in. Sure you may honk your horn to make them wake up or stop texting and drive, but there is no anger, it’s a friendly little reminder that there are people behind you. Now Suburban folk whole nother story. Yield? What’s that? Ohh that’s when I speed up so as to block you so you can’t get in. And then I’m going to speed around you just so we can sit at the stop light in the same place. Then I am going to race off to the next stop light, so I can again stop. Because I am in a very big hurry to go to the next suburb and eat at a chain restaurant. And then there is the signal. Signal and get over. I mean that’s what I do. But here you better not signal because that means I will do everything in my power to keep you where you are! I don’t know why I want you stay over there, I just don’t want you getting in front of me. Even if you just want to switch lanes to turn, I don’t care! It seems that everyone here is In a big hurry to do something that is very important. Like go to the next burb over and eat at a chain restaurant. Did I already say that?
One of my besties here just bought a house! Yesterday was the big move day. From the apartment to the house. She had her brother and dad coming with their truck to help. Now anyone who knows me, knows I’m not into the whole manual labor thing. I’ll do it, but I would rather pay someone to do it for me. Originally she was going to hire movers. But buying a house has a slew of expenses attached with it, which means movers were out. I woke up and head to her house to help finish up packing. Let me stop there and explain something about myself- when undertaking a large task such as moving I like to be organized. Boxes, labeled with what room and contents. Bubble wrap for glass and other breakables. That big thing of saran wrap to wrap furniture. Furniture pads. You get the picture. Now, I walk into her house and I see, trash bags with clothes in them. And laundry baskets with clothes in them. Closets with clothes in them. A washing machine with clothes in it. Bins with clothes in them. I don’t know what is clean what is trash and how I am going to make it through this. So the first thing I do is start cleaning. Let me rephrase- try to start cleaning. There are no cleaning supplies, no gloves no trash bags and my friend looks like she’s about to have a panic attack. To the dollar store! I get back and clean, help put stuff in with other stuff. And make those stuff piles bigger. I wonder how big her brothers truck is. Because I see 2 couches, a bed, washer and dryer, flat screen, entertainment center and a big wooden kitchen table. Yeah, why did I offer to help? Oh, right she’s my friend. Ok.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
April 4, 2010 I woke up this morning at 4:47 on the dot….again. As I laid in a somewhat familiar bed, in a somewhat familiar place- I started to wonder, how in the hell did I get here? I’d like to consider myself a fairly successful 29 year old woman. Independent, smart, smoking hot, married- wait no, separated, 8 months pregnant, living at home with my folks, sleeping in a room next to my 87 year old grandma who smells like pee…? Okay I take back all that wonderful stuff I said in the beginning. I might be a loser.
I’ll start at the beginning. No, maybe I’ll start where I am. Currently, I’m sitting in the burbs in Anytown, USA, watching Law and Order Criminal Intent-I love Goren, and crocheting a blanket for my daughter. This time last year I was in the Big City! Living my fabulous, Big City, single gal life. So how did I get here? The most obvious answer is on a plane. If only it were that simple. In a nutshell- I met a man (I use the term loosely), got married, pregnant, installed spyware on his phone to catch him “Tiger Woodsing” me, kicked him out, continued to track and spy on him, moved home (which happens to be 1,000 miles away from the Big City) and sat on Mom and Dad’s couch to watch Law and Order Criminal Intent and crochet a baby blanket. And that’s how I got here. More or less….
So the waiting game begins. Waiting for the baby and the day when I can see my vagina again. Waiting to go back to work. Waiting for my husband (a term I also use loosely, as he has a girlfriend) to hit the roof when he finds out I’ve moved out of state. Did I mention I didn’t tell him? Waiting for the mud to fly in family court. Waiting to start over. Waiting for something witty to come out of this blinking cursor. You get the picture.
April 6, 2010
Apparently I had writers block yesterday- because apparently I’m a writer. Ohhh but I have no shortage of material this morning. When I decided to start this blog 2 days ago I emailed a rough draft to my brother and a few other friends to get some feedback. My brother told me I sounded to “Carrie-like”. What the heck does that mean?? I happen to like the way I wrote it. He said I needed to write it as me. So girl, get ready for the f-bombs and the trash talking! You want it to be me? Ok Big Brother you got me!
I was talking to one of my BF’s this morning, he told me about a dream he had that I had to share- So our crew was at his old apartment hanging out. We’re all laughing, talking and of course drinking. Ahhh, drinking. I miss drinking. I could go for a bloody mary right now. Nice and spicy. Anyway, somewhere in the course of the evening my “husband” shows up. And so the fun really begins! My “husband” pulls out a hammer. (Pause here for a dramatic effect). Uh, yeah, a hammer. My BF then pulls out a BIGGER hammer and they proceed to hammer sword fight! I love a good hammer sword fight. BF knocks “husbands” hammer out of his hand and starts beating the crap out of him! I of course am saying nothing. Just watching as this whole pummeling is happening. One of the friends says, “Look, we either gotta kill this fool or leave because the police are coming.” And then he wakes up. Damn. I wonder how that would have ended had he not woke up….
Speaking of waking up. I woke up around 3 this morning to what sounded like crumpling paper bags. I’m pretty sure it was paper bags. I am even more sure that my grannie was taking her pissy diapers and putting them in these paper bags and hiding them in random corners of her room. And boy was I right. How unmistakable the smell of 87 year old pee seeping out of her room into mine. I have to figure out a plan to put a stop to this. Newborn pee and geriatric pee cannot live in the same house happily.
April 7, 2010
Maybe I'm ungrateful or just love punishment. Quite frankly I don't know and don't care. I have been at Mom and Dad’s for a week “relaxing”. This whole “relaxing” thing is for lazy old people- I hate it, it sucks a big one. Can someone teach a person how to relax? Or is this just something lazy people are born with- the ability to relax. If I don't start working soon, I am going shove my head in my Grannys diaper pail just to give me something to do.
On another note, I met with a divorce lawyer today. An experience I am still processing. I liked the Lawyer, he seemed very knowledgeable and sympathetic. But I guess the reality of my situation started really sinking in. I am getting a DIVORCE. Which I suppose isn’t the most terrible thing in the world. Relationships end. People (men mostly) cheat. So why did I start crying in his office? I don’t think it was the divorce as much as it was the baby. The words “terminate parental rights” came up. This man, who knows not much about me or my situation, wants to terminate my “husbands” parental rights. Not only wants to but can. I had no idea that this is what I had signed up for. Divorce is dirty. It’s all about timing and strategy and relinquishing control. Hmmm, maybe that’s where I have a problem, letting go of the control. This process has shown me that you cannot live your life or make decisions based on what someone else may or may not do. All YOU can do is what YOU can do. So there is no funny twist today. Nothing witty to say. Just a lot of reflecting on what I want. How do I want this to end? Two months ago I had a clear concise plan. I knew I had to get myself in a position to move and take care of my baby. I knew it would be difficult but I would do it. I could see a year from then. Nestled in my little apartment, having a glass of wine while my baby is sleeping. It was all this crap in the middle I couldn’t see through. The divorce, visitation, moving on. And here I am in the middle. The middle I couldn’t see, I’m in. And that scares the shit out of me.
I’ll start at the beginning. No, maybe I’ll start where I am. Currently, I’m sitting in the burbs in Anytown, USA, watching Law and Order Criminal Intent-I love Goren, and crocheting a blanket for my daughter. This time last year I was in the Big City! Living my fabulous, Big City, single gal life. So how did I get here? The most obvious answer is on a plane. If only it were that simple. In a nutshell- I met a man (I use the term loosely), got married, pregnant, installed spyware on his phone to catch him “Tiger Woodsing” me, kicked him out, continued to track and spy on him, moved home (which happens to be 1,000 miles away from the Big City) and sat on Mom and Dad’s couch to watch Law and Order Criminal Intent and crochet a baby blanket. And that’s how I got here. More or less….
So the waiting game begins. Waiting for the baby and the day when I can see my vagina again. Waiting to go back to work. Waiting for my husband (a term I also use loosely, as he has a girlfriend) to hit the roof when he finds out I’ve moved out of state. Did I mention I didn’t tell him? Waiting for the mud to fly in family court. Waiting to start over. Waiting for something witty to come out of this blinking cursor. You get the picture.
April 6, 2010
Apparently I had writers block yesterday- because apparently I’m a writer. Ohhh but I have no shortage of material this morning. When I decided to start this blog 2 days ago I emailed a rough draft to my brother and a few other friends to get some feedback. My brother told me I sounded to “Carrie-like”. What the heck does that mean?? I happen to like the way I wrote it. He said I needed to write it as me. So girl, get ready for the f-bombs and the trash talking! You want it to be me? Ok Big Brother you got me!
I was talking to one of my BF’s this morning, he told me about a dream he had that I had to share- So our crew was at his old apartment hanging out. We’re all laughing, talking and of course drinking. Ahhh, drinking. I miss drinking. I could go for a bloody mary right now. Nice and spicy. Anyway, somewhere in the course of the evening my “husband” shows up. And so the fun really begins! My “husband” pulls out a hammer. (Pause here for a dramatic effect). Uh, yeah, a hammer. My BF then pulls out a BIGGER hammer and they proceed to hammer sword fight! I love a good hammer sword fight. BF knocks “husbands” hammer out of his hand and starts beating the crap out of him! I of course am saying nothing. Just watching as this whole pummeling is happening. One of the friends says, “Look, we either gotta kill this fool or leave because the police are coming.” And then he wakes up. Damn. I wonder how that would have ended had he not woke up….
Speaking of waking up. I woke up around 3 this morning to what sounded like crumpling paper bags. I’m pretty sure it was paper bags. I am even more sure that my grannie was taking her pissy diapers and putting them in these paper bags and hiding them in random corners of her room. And boy was I right. How unmistakable the smell of 87 year old pee seeping out of her room into mine. I have to figure out a plan to put a stop to this. Newborn pee and geriatric pee cannot live in the same house happily.
April 7, 2010
Maybe I'm ungrateful or just love punishment. Quite frankly I don't know and don't care. I have been at Mom and Dad’s for a week “relaxing”. This whole “relaxing” thing is for lazy old people- I hate it, it sucks a big one. Can someone teach a person how to relax? Or is this just something lazy people are born with- the ability to relax. If I don't start working soon, I am going shove my head in my Grannys diaper pail just to give me something to do.
On another note, I met with a divorce lawyer today. An experience I am still processing. I liked the Lawyer, he seemed very knowledgeable and sympathetic. But I guess the reality of my situation started really sinking in. I am getting a DIVORCE. Which I suppose isn’t the most terrible thing in the world. Relationships end. People (men mostly) cheat. So why did I start crying in his office? I don’t think it was the divorce as much as it was the baby. The words “terminate parental rights” came up. This man, who knows not much about me or my situation, wants to terminate my “husbands” parental rights. Not only wants to but can. I had no idea that this is what I had signed up for. Divorce is dirty. It’s all about timing and strategy and relinquishing control. Hmmm, maybe that’s where I have a problem, letting go of the control. This process has shown me that you cannot live your life or make decisions based on what someone else may or may not do. All YOU can do is what YOU can do. So there is no funny twist today. Nothing witty to say. Just a lot of reflecting on what I want. How do I want this to end? Two months ago I had a clear concise plan. I knew I had to get myself in a position to move and take care of my baby. I knew it would be difficult but I would do it. I could see a year from then. Nestled in my little apartment, having a glass of wine while my baby is sleeping. It was all this crap in the middle I couldn’t see through. The divorce, visitation, moving on. And here I am in the middle. The middle I couldn’t see, I’m in. And that scares the shit out of me.
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