I have been watching WAY too much Law and Order lately. Probably because I have nothing else to do. My daughter will be here in 2 days! With all this excitement I don't sleep much. But when I do get a little rest I have the weirdest dreams. For instance- I had a dream that I was laying on my couch in a very nice apartment somewhere. I woke up to my "husband" choking me! We were struggling in the living room and I could hear my daughter crying. I grabbed a remote and started hitting him in the head with it. Just long enough for him to let go of my neck a little bit. I broke free and ran to get my gun (btw I don't really have a gun...yet). I'm in the kitchen and it's totally a scene from Sleeping With the Enemy. He's super cocky like I'm not gunna shoot him. He's actually laughing at me!! So I shot him. Shot each knee cap and shot him in the balls. When the police came and I told them the story they got a good laugh out of it and told me it was self defense and I should press charges against him for breaking and entering and attempted murder! LOL. I should probably just stick to HGTV.
Like I said earlier she'll be here in 2 days! She's breech and I have to go in for a c-section. At first I was super disappointed and scared. Now I'm fine with it. I am actually looking forward to it. There is a certain level of control that having a c-section gives me. No guessing if "this" it or when will it happen? I already know when. I know I'm such a control freak. It's a little strange knowing that in 2 days my life will be..not my life. A whole new life. I will officially be a mommy. Weird. I will have to keep you all posted on what life as a mommy living with her mommy living with her mommy-in-law is like!
Talked with the "husband" today. He wanted to get together to get his mail, checkbooks and talk about insurance stuff. Hmmm, insurance stuff? He proceeds to tell me that he is quitting/getting fired on Friday. Now that's an interesting concept. How does one quit slash get fired? I was always under the impression that you either did one or the other. But I could be wrong. I have been known to be wrong about other things. So what about the insurance? You won't have any after Friday so what is there to talk about? He just wanted to make sure that I would cover the baby. Of course because I do EVERYTHING for the baby as is. He also tells me he won't have any provable income after Friday as he will be working for himself. Not sure what that has to do with me. But ok. So I asked him why not just let them fire you instead of quitting so you can file unemployment? "No I don't want to do that. I just want to cut ties with them." The real answer is you owe the unemployment office money and can't file. Hahahaha. This whole conversation is priceless. We were supposed to meet up today so I could give him his mail. But he blew me off to go to the beach. That's fine. I live a thousand miles away anyway, so I probably wouldn't have made it.
I guess that's what's going on in a nutshell. Just waiting for Thursday. I will of course be posting my exciting birthstory as I know everyone is eager to hear it! Tick tock tick tock...
Monday, May 24, 2010
April 21, 2010
I went back to the Big City to finish up some work and have some fun! And by fun I mean work. I made sure to see my “Husband” while I was there. Because he still needs to think that I live there. We met at IHOP so I could eat some blueberry pancakes. He told me he had gotten his own place and had bought some things for the baby…finally. I asked him how things at work were going. He told me his boss is a racist. Translation- I’m screwing up at work and my boss is trying to figure out how to get rid of me. But we’ll go with the whole racist thing. He apparently was caught working at a competitors business. Which in most business is an obvious no no. That compounded with the fact that HR had found out that he was filing unemployment for the last year while he has been a full time employee, can’t be good for his job security. I could really care less. Mostly because I’m the one who turned him in to the unemployment office before I moved. So I figured that one was coming. I had only hoped it would come after the baby as he carries our insurance. The saga…
Since I have been home I have realized how completely and utterly crazy my friends and family are. My mother has ADD when it comes to the radio. She will never listen to a song in its entirety. I’ve never been in a car with someone who in a 20 minute car ride can literally change the station 12 times. I have also began to notice how people in the suburbs drive. My mother included. LIKE MANIACS. City folk may drive reckless, but there is a certain amount of caution given to fellow drivers. You yield, anticipate where they may go and slow down so they can squeeze in. Sure you may honk your horn to make them wake up or stop texting and drive, but there is no anger, it’s a friendly little reminder that there are people behind you. Now Suburban folk whole nother story. Yield? What’s that? Ohh that’s when I speed up so as to block you so you can’t get in. And then I’m going to speed around you just so we can sit at the stop light in the same place. Then I am going to race off to the next stop light, so I can again stop. Because I am in a very big hurry to go to the next suburb and eat at a chain restaurant. And then there is the signal. Signal and get over. I mean that’s what I do. But here you better not signal because that means I will do everything in my power to keep you where you are! I don’t know why I want you stay over there, I just don’t want you getting in front of me. Even if you just want to switch lanes to turn, I don’t care! It seems that everyone here is In a big hurry to do something that is very important. Like go to the next burb over and eat at a chain restaurant. Did I already say that?
One of my besties here just bought a house! Yesterday was the big move day. From the apartment to the house. She had her brother and dad coming with their truck to help. Now anyone who knows me, knows I’m not into the whole manual labor thing. I’ll do it, but I would rather pay someone to do it for me. Originally she was going to hire movers. But buying a house has a slew of expenses attached with it, which means movers were out. I woke up and head to her house to help finish up packing. Let me stop there and explain something about myself- when undertaking a large task such as moving I like to be organized. Boxes, labeled with what room and contents. Bubble wrap for glass and other breakables. That big thing of saran wrap to wrap furniture. Furniture pads. You get the picture. Now, I walk into her house and I see, trash bags with clothes in them. And laundry baskets with clothes in them. Closets with clothes in them. A washing machine with clothes in it. Bins with clothes in them. I don’t know what is clean what is trash and how I am going to make it through this. So the first thing I do is start cleaning. Let me rephrase- try to start cleaning. There are no cleaning supplies, no gloves no trash bags and my friend looks like she’s about to have a panic attack. To the dollar store! I get back and clean, help put stuff in with other stuff. And make those stuff piles bigger. I wonder how big her brothers truck is. Because I see 2 couches, a bed, washer and dryer, flat screen, entertainment center and a big wooden kitchen table. Yeah, why did I offer to help? Oh, right she’s my friend. Ok.
I went back to the Big City to finish up some work and have some fun! And by fun I mean work. I made sure to see my “Husband” while I was there. Because he still needs to think that I live there. We met at IHOP so I could eat some blueberry pancakes. He told me he had gotten his own place and had bought some things for the baby…finally. I asked him how things at work were going. He told me his boss is a racist. Translation- I’m screwing up at work and my boss is trying to figure out how to get rid of me. But we’ll go with the whole racist thing. He apparently was caught working at a competitors business. Which in most business is an obvious no no. That compounded with the fact that HR had found out that he was filing unemployment for the last year while he has been a full time employee, can’t be good for his job security. I could really care less. Mostly because I’m the one who turned him in to the unemployment office before I moved. So I figured that one was coming. I had only hoped it would come after the baby as he carries our insurance. The saga…
Since I have been home I have realized how completely and utterly crazy my friends and family are. My mother has ADD when it comes to the radio. She will never listen to a song in its entirety. I’ve never been in a car with someone who in a 20 minute car ride can literally change the station 12 times. I have also began to notice how people in the suburbs drive. My mother included. LIKE MANIACS. City folk may drive reckless, but there is a certain amount of caution given to fellow drivers. You yield, anticipate where they may go and slow down so they can squeeze in. Sure you may honk your horn to make them wake up or stop texting and drive, but there is no anger, it’s a friendly little reminder that there are people behind you. Now Suburban folk whole nother story. Yield? What’s that? Ohh that’s when I speed up so as to block you so you can’t get in. And then I’m going to speed around you just so we can sit at the stop light in the same place. Then I am going to race off to the next stop light, so I can again stop. Because I am in a very big hurry to go to the next suburb and eat at a chain restaurant. And then there is the signal. Signal and get over. I mean that’s what I do. But here you better not signal because that means I will do everything in my power to keep you where you are! I don’t know why I want you stay over there, I just don’t want you getting in front of me. Even if you just want to switch lanes to turn, I don’t care! It seems that everyone here is In a big hurry to do something that is very important. Like go to the next burb over and eat at a chain restaurant. Did I already say that?
One of my besties here just bought a house! Yesterday was the big move day. From the apartment to the house. She had her brother and dad coming with their truck to help. Now anyone who knows me, knows I’m not into the whole manual labor thing. I’ll do it, but I would rather pay someone to do it for me. Originally she was going to hire movers. But buying a house has a slew of expenses attached with it, which means movers were out. I woke up and head to her house to help finish up packing. Let me stop there and explain something about myself- when undertaking a large task such as moving I like to be organized. Boxes, labeled with what room and contents. Bubble wrap for glass and other breakables. That big thing of saran wrap to wrap furniture. Furniture pads. You get the picture. Now, I walk into her house and I see, trash bags with clothes in them. And laundry baskets with clothes in them. Closets with clothes in them. A washing machine with clothes in it. Bins with clothes in them. I don’t know what is clean what is trash and how I am going to make it through this. So the first thing I do is start cleaning. Let me rephrase- try to start cleaning. There are no cleaning supplies, no gloves no trash bags and my friend looks like she’s about to have a panic attack. To the dollar store! I get back and clean, help put stuff in with other stuff. And make those stuff piles bigger. I wonder how big her brothers truck is. Because I see 2 couches, a bed, washer and dryer, flat screen, entertainment center and a big wooden kitchen table. Yeah, why did I offer to help? Oh, right she’s my friend. Ok.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
April 4, 2010 I woke up this morning at 4:47 on the dot….again. As I laid in a somewhat familiar bed, in a somewhat familiar place- I started to wonder, how in the hell did I get here? I’d like to consider myself a fairly successful 29 year old woman. Independent, smart, smoking hot, married- wait no, separated, 8 months pregnant, living at home with my folks, sleeping in a room next to my 87 year old grandma who smells like pee…? Okay I take back all that wonderful stuff I said in the beginning. I might be a loser.
I’ll start at the beginning. No, maybe I’ll start where I am. Currently, I’m sitting in the burbs in Anytown, USA, watching Law and Order Criminal Intent-I love Goren, and crocheting a blanket for my daughter. This time last year I was in the Big City! Living my fabulous, Big City, single gal life. So how did I get here? The most obvious answer is on a plane. If only it were that simple. In a nutshell- I met a man (I use the term loosely), got married, pregnant, installed spyware on his phone to catch him “Tiger Woodsing” me, kicked him out, continued to track and spy on him, moved home (which happens to be 1,000 miles away from the Big City) and sat on Mom and Dad’s couch to watch Law and Order Criminal Intent and crochet a baby blanket. And that’s how I got here. More or less….
So the waiting game begins. Waiting for the baby and the day when I can see my vagina again. Waiting to go back to work. Waiting for my husband (a term I also use loosely, as he has a girlfriend) to hit the roof when he finds out I’ve moved out of state. Did I mention I didn’t tell him? Waiting for the mud to fly in family court. Waiting to start over. Waiting for something witty to come out of this blinking cursor. You get the picture.
April 6, 2010
Apparently I had writers block yesterday- because apparently I’m a writer. Ohhh but I have no shortage of material this morning. When I decided to start this blog 2 days ago I emailed a rough draft to my brother and a few other friends to get some feedback. My brother told me I sounded to “Carrie-like”. What the heck does that mean?? I happen to like the way I wrote it. He said I needed to write it as me. So girl, get ready for the f-bombs and the trash talking! You want it to be me? Ok Big Brother you got me!
I was talking to one of my BF’s this morning, he told me about a dream he had that I had to share- So our crew was at his old apartment hanging out. We’re all laughing, talking and of course drinking. Ahhh, drinking. I miss drinking. I could go for a bloody mary right now. Nice and spicy. Anyway, somewhere in the course of the evening my “husband” shows up. And so the fun really begins! My “husband” pulls out a hammer. (Pause here for a dramatic effect). Uh, yeah, a hammer. My BF then pulls out a BIGGER hammer and they proceed to hammer sword fight! I love a good hammer sword fight. BF knocks “husbands” hammer out of his hand and starts beating the crap out of him! I of course am saying nothing. Just watching as this whole pummeling is happening. One of the friends says, “Look, we either gotta kill this fool or leave because the police are coming.” And then he wakes up. Damn. I wonder how that would have ended had he not woke up….
Speaking of waking up. I woke up around 3 this morning to what sounded like crumpling paper bags. I’m pretty sure it was paper bags. I am even more sure that my grannie was taking her pissy diapers and putting them in these paper bags and hiding them in random corners of her room. And boy was I right. How unmistakable the smell of 87 year old pee seeping out of her room into mine. I have to figure out a plan to put a stop to this. Newborn pee and geriatric pee cannot live in the same house happily.
April 7, 2010
Maybe I'm ungrateful or just love punishment. Quite frankly I don't know and don't care. I have been at Mom and Dad’s for a week “relaxing”. This whole “relaxing” thing is for lazy old people- I hate it, it sucks a big one. Can someone teach a person how to relax? Or is this just something lazy people are born with- the ability to relax. If I don't start working soon, I am going shove my head in my Grannys diaper pail just to give me something to do.
On another note, I met with a divorce lawyer today. An experience I am still processing. I liked the Lawyer, he seemed very knowledgeable and sympathetic. But I guess the reality of my situation started really sinking in. I am getting a DIVORCE. Which I suppose isn’t the most terrible thing in the world. Relationships end. People (men mostly) cheat. So why did I start crying in his office? I don’t think it was the divorce as much as it was the baby. The words “terminate parental rights” came up. This man, who knows not much about me or my situation, wants to terminate my “husbands” parental rights. Not only wants to but can. I had no idea that this is what I had signed up for. Divorce is dirty. It’s all about timing and strategy and relinquishing control. Hmmm, maybe that’s where I have a problem, letting go of the control. This process has shown me that you cannot live your life or make decisions based on what someone else may or may not do. All YOU can do is what YOU can do. So there is no funny twist today. Nothing witty to say. Just a lot of reflecting on what I want. How do I want this to end? Two months ago I had a clear concise plan. I knew I had to get myself in a position to move and take care of my baby. I knew it would be difficult but I would do it. I could see a year from then. Nestled in my little apartment, having a glass of wine while my baby is sleeping. It was all this crap in the middle I couldn’t see through. The divorce, visitation, moving on. And here I am in the middle. The middle I couldn’t see, I’m in. And that scares the shit out of me.
I’ll start at the beginning. No, maybe I’ll start where I am. Currently, I’m sitting in the burbs in Anytown, USA, watching Law and Order Criminal Intent-I love Goren, and crocheting a blanket for my daughter. This time last year I was in the Big City! Living my fabulous, Big City, single gal life. So how did I get here? The most obvious answer is on a plane. If only it were that simple. In a nutshell- I met a man (I use the term loosely), got married, pregnant, installed spyware on his phone to catch him “Tiger Woodsing” me, kicked him out, continued to track and spy on him, moved home (which happens to be 1,000 miles away from the Big City) and sat on Mom and Dad’s couch to watch Law and Order Criminal Intent and crochet a baby blanket. And that’s how I got here. More or less….
So the waiting game begins. Waiting for the baby and the day when I can see my vagina again. Waiting to go back to work. Waiting for my husband (a term I also use loosely, as he has a girlfriend) to hit the roof when he finds out I’ve moved out of state. Did I mention I didn’t tell him? Waiting for the mud to fly in family court. Waiting to start over. Waiting for something witty to come out of this blinking cursor. You get the picture.
April 6, 2010
Apparently I had writers block yesterday- because apparently I’m a writer. Ohhh but I have no shortage of material this morning. When I decided to start this blog 2 days ago I emailed a rough draft to my brother and a few other friends to get some feedback. My brother told me I sounded to “Carrie-like”. What the heck does that mean?? I happen to like the way I wrote it. He said I needed to write it as me. So girl, get ready for the f-bombs and the trash talking! You want it to be me? Ok Big Brother you got me!
I was talking to one of my BF’s this morning, he told me about a dream he had that I had to share- So our crew was at his old apartment hanging out. We’re all laughing, talking and of course drinking. Ahhh, drinking. I miss drinking. I could go for a bloody mary right now. Nice and spicy. Anyway, somewhere in the course of the evening my “husband” shows up. And so the fun really begins! My “husband” pulls out a hammer. (Pause here for a dramatic effect). Uh, yeah, a hammer. My BF then pulls out a BIGGER hammer and they proceed to hammer sword fight! I love a good hammer sword fight. BF knocks “husbands” hammer out of his hand and starts beating the crap out of him! I of course am saying nothing. Just watching as this whole pummeling is happening. One of the friends says, “Look, we either gotta kill this fool or leave because the police are coming.” And then he wakes up. Damn. I wonder how that would have ended had he not woke up….
Speaking of waking up. I woke up around 3 this morning to what sounded like crumpling paper bags. I’m pretty sure it was paper bags. I am even more sure that my grannie was taking her pissy diapers and putting them in these paper bags and hiding them in random corners of her room. And boy was I right. How unmistakable the smell of 87 year old pee seeping out of her room into mine. I have to figure out a plan to put a stop to this. Newborn pee and geriatric pee cannot live in the same house happily.
April 7, 2010
Maybe I'm ungrateful or just love punishment. Quite frankly I don't know and don't care. I have been at Mom and Dad’s for a week “relaxing”. This whole “relaxing” thing is for lazy old people- I hate it, it sucks a big one. Can someone teach a person how to relax? Or is this just something lazy people are born with- the ability to relax. If I don't start working soon, I am going shove my head in my Grannys diaper pail just to give me something to do.
On another note, I met with a divorce lawyer today. An experience I am still processing. I liked the Lawyer, he seemed very knowledgeable and sympathetic. But I guess the reality of my situation started really sinking in. I am getting a DIVORCE. Which I suppose isn’t the most terrible thing in the world. Relationships end. People (men mostly) cheat. So why did I start crying in his office? I don’t think it was the divorce as much as it was the baby. The words “terminate parental rights” came up. This man, who knows not much about me or my situation, wants to terminate my “husbands” parental rights. Not only wants to but can. I had no idea that this is what I had signed up for. Divorce is dirty. It’s all about timing and strategy and relinquishing control. Hmmm, maybe that’s where I have a problem, letting go of the control. This process has shown me that you cannot live your life or make decisions based on what someone else may or may not do. All YOU can do is what YOU can do. So there is no funny twist today. Nothing witty to say. Just a lot of reflecting on what I want. How do I want this to end? Two months ago I had a clear concise plan. I knew I had to get myself in a position to move and take care of my baby. I knew it would be difficult but I would do it. I could see a year from then. Nestled in my little apartment, having a glass of wine while my baby is sleeping. It was all this crap in the middle I couldn’t see through. The divorce, visitation, moving on. And here I am in the middle. The middle I couldn’t see, I’m in. And that scares the shit out of me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)